Age is not just a number - Does Age Difference Matter in a Relatioship?

There is something agonising about falling in love, especially if it’s with a younger man . Usually you do not know how to react to the attention he so willingly gives. There comes a time when you decide to respond to him.  A fear lingers. Fear of another broken heart, this time at the hands of a much younger charge. Insecurity is bound to creep in no matter how beautiful or intelligent or outstanding you are. Then there are those times that you decide to fall in there with reckless abandon! Previous experience has made you defiant to failure. Like everyone else, all you want is to know that there is someone out there who cares what happens to you. So should it matter that they are younger than you?

So what is it that women like about being with a younger man? We had a heated argument recently with my colleagues about this and the following are sort of the positives that come with dating or settling with a guy younger than you. Firstly, they are more fun. What woman does not want to be with a guy who makes her laugh, who is spontaneous and who is very adventurous? We all want that every now and then. Unfortunately our culture and most religions do not take lightly the idea of a single woman taking off with man, for whatever reason. So maybe you are not planning a holiday to the great Victoria Falls or a getaway in the Eastern Highlands, you are bound to always be in stitches with this guy, if you choose right. Most of them have an amazing sense of humour that keeps you wondering where they have been all your life. Most guys that are about my age are set in their ways and are usually more traditional. Gosh i really find that stuffy and boring when you cannot have a bit of adventure and fun.

Most women find it interesting to date the younger guy because he is unlikely to feel threatened by your independence. Chances are he is attracted to you because of your seemingly independence. It is not always the case when a younger man is with you so you can take care of him. In most cases these are the people who seem to know how to treat a woman. They will take you out and hold interesting conversations with your friends, he is supportive when you talk about gym or sport and he is very willing to escort you to your many functions and events. He will probably make them less dull and boorish. Men my age are wrapped around  ideas of how women should be, how they should behave, how they belong in the kitchen and their main role is to take care of the man’s needs. The younger generation of men however seems to get the idea that woman are in their own capacity individuals who have a need to be independent financially, and should be able to pursue their own agendas. There is seemingly more career freedom for all those professional women, when they are in relationships with younger men.

Most people would discourage women from dating man who is younger than them on the basis of the latter being immature. Let’s face it, a man can be as mature as they put their mind to. 

Barbara Wright Abernathy, author of the book Venus on top, states that “age is no guarantee of maturity”. I know a lot of men in their late twenties who cannot compare to my younger brother’s maturity. Most of the younger men are more reliable and conscientious. You can’t judge a man by his age, his actions are a great tipoff.  I believe that everyone is different and that there are personality traits in some people that can easily attract you to them, even if they are younger than you. It also goes without saying that you can actually start feeling young again. A younger man can keep you active and vibrant, so as said above, chronological age does not always reflect physical capacity and emotional maturity.

Lastly, older women have always been a taboo for men in our society. Taboos are rather attractive. One of these attractions is the fact that older women make younger men feel more comfortable. Men seem to like women who make them feel comfortable emotionally, hence the attraction to older women, so naturally those maternal instincts are not such a turn off either as men your own age would think. It’s nice to feel attractive, in the eyes of a younger man, or vice versa.

After all who cares what people think right? As long as you are happy and you enjoy being with your man! Age is not just a number.

Gertrude Bvindi

I am an administrator by profession.  I have a first Degree in Political Science, and I started the first year of my Masters  in International Relations but i am yet to finish it. I am a sports woman, and have participated in Rugby and Basketball at National level. I did my primary school in Mutare, Chancellor Junior and high School in Domboshava, at a Catholic mission.  I am passionate about women issues.

I would like to know your views and please do not hesitate to comment below your thoughts, suggestions and views.

La Rochelle Paradise Mutare Zimbabwe

The Eastern border town of Penhalonga is home to one of Zimbabwe’s best-kept secrets: La Rochelle, a magical cross twixt fairy tale castle and French chateau, surrounded by manicured gardens on the edge of verdant forest-cloaked mountains.La Rochelle is a splendidly unique place with a story book tower and a magical garden filled with rare flora from throughout the world.


Its story began in 1951, as the private estate of a wealthy Englishman of world-wide textile fame, Sir Stephen Courtauld and his wife, Lady Virginia.


Stephen was a quiet, studious man, a generous philanthropist who put together a world-famous collection of Turner paintings, jewels, coins, antiques and rare plants.


Virginia was Italian, gregarious and glamorous; whispers gave her a strangely exotic past. A tattooed ankle, unheard of in immediate post-war Colonial society, caused many raised eyebrows.
They had no children, but together with a pet lemur (buried at La Rochelle) spent most of their time travelling the world in their steamship Virginia or yacht Eunamara.


Both loved the sun — and Africa — and spent a long time looking for a lasting home, promising warm sunny days.
From the Cape to Cairo they searched the continent for a fitting site until, at the end of the 1940s, they flew over the lush, green Imbeza Valley, near Penhalonga, on the then Southern Rhodesia-Portuguese East Africa frontier and lost their hearts to it.


They landed in Umtali (now Mutare) instantly setting down roots, planning a house based on the home of Stephen’s Huguenot French ancestors, the lovely Chateau de La Rochelle on the Bay of Biscay.


Due to post-War building shortages, a planned second tower and wing never happened, but the house with its romantic courtyard, “Courtauld Rose” garden and rolling lawns, was the venue of many magnificent parties, with famous artists and distinguished guests signing initials with a diamond stylus on plate-glass windows; fascinating pages of history still preserved.


The Courtaulds started, with the help of UK horticulturist John Henry Michell, a unique botanical garden covering 20 ha with exotic plants and trees collected all over the world.


Bush was carefully preserved and a dam filled with water plants and populated by flocks of wildfowl. An orchid house was built, today enhanced by the Peter Horrocks collection of rare Phalanopsis.
Unfashionably liberal Stephen and Virginia soon became involved in the communities near La Rochelle. They saw great social need and founded a school and home-craft industry for their black workers. In 1964 they financed an agricultural training farm, Kukwanisa, in the Tsonzo area of Nyanga. Initially outstandingly successful, it fell into disuse during the Bush War.


As an arts patron, Stephen gave funds for the building of a well-equipped theatre in nearby Umtali, which still bears his name. Further gifts to the town included the Queen’s Hall and a showground pavilion. They also funded the land and building costs of a multi-racial club.


Turning to national appeals, the open-handed pair helped establish the National Gallery, a concert hall at the College of Music and gave lavishly to the newly-opened university college. They also endowed Bulawayo Theatre, but in general the Courtaulds were modest about their support; few knew of their generosity.


They extended helping hands to a clinic on the shores of Lake Nyasa (now Lake Malawi) and it was only after much persuasion by Federal Prime Minister, Sir Roy Welensky, that Courtauld reluctantly accepted a British knighthood for his good works.


In 1967, after Sir Stephen’s death, Lady Courtauld faithfully continued their joint hopes for La Rochelle and Zimbabwe in his memory. She died in 1972, after bequeathing the entire estate to her “family” as she called the people of this country.


The Turner paintings went back to the family’s UK seat, Eltham Palace, near Greenwich, but beautiful one-off prints were sent from there to grace La Rochelle’s walls.
The gem collection was left to the National Museums and Monuments and the coin collection to the university. From her death, the estate was managed and protected by the National Trust of Zimbabwe, but lack of funds prevented implementation of a realistic conservation and development plan.


Sadly, too, the drought years saw the death of much rare flora, despite continued efforts by NTZ and volunteers.
Occasional renting out of self-catering cottages and the main house as a school hostel raised only survival funds during the bleak years.


Many said the estate had become a huge white elephant and should be sold, but the NTZ never lost the belief that one day a miracle would happen and the full potential of La Rochelle realised.
And so for 20 years, La Rochelle was like a Sleeping Beauty waiting for a magic touch to transform it back to its original glory.


Now leased to hotelier Simon Herring, there are five double rooms, a state room suite, a grand double suite in Lady Courtauld’s Fantasy (summerhouse), five self-catering cottages, swimming pool, living maze and a large caravan park, dining room and cocktail bar.


The orchid house is one of the finest in Africa and there’s a garden nursery filled with exciting plants.
Great for a peaceful standalone holiday, it is also a fine centre for touring the Eastern Highlands or as a break driving to or from the Mozambique coast.


La Rochelle is a place of tranquility and beauty for Zimbabweans to treasure. A heritage the Courtaulds wanted to share with all Zimbabweans. That’s why they left their home to the nation... to you and me.

Try to visit La Rochelle at least once, wandering through the magical gardens. Stay a night or two and marvel at incredible peace: soft warm nights under star-filled skies. 
The landline to the Imbeza Valley is constantly “liberated” by local tsotsis. Best contact is cell number 0172 605474. Text an SMS and Simon will call you back (fairly) soon!

Contact: larochellezim@gmail.com


Have you been to La Rochelle Paradise Mutare Zimbabwe. Please comment below 


your experience

Zimbabwe's Bridget Jones

The elusive 30-something Mutare lady's sassy columns about single life have generated an avid following.


"It's you, isn't it?" I can't hide the triumph in my voice when I spot the woman with the orange teardrop earrings. "You are the 30-Something Lady!"

I've been trying to track down this writer for months. She pens a column in Zimbabwe's state-controlled Manica Post newspaper called "Diary of a 30-Something Lady." During the latter years of this Southern African country's crisis, Zimbabwe's very ownBridget Jones has written with humor and honesty about what it means to live here as a professional 30-something singleton.

The 30-Something Lady has to cope not only with man problems but also with price increases, power cuts, and the psychology degree she's studying for in her spare time.

"Which is better, no water or no electricity?" she ponders, coming home one night to find there is no water for her bath. When she hears that the payment of her office-job salary will be delayed – a common occurrence here after a nine-year economic downturn – she wonders how she'll pay for her manicure as well as her rent.

She writes about her friends, slim Ms. Matetwe ("I tell you, the girl eats but it goes nowhere") and "traditionally built" Ms. Mafuta; about bad hair days, inattentiveness during Sunday sermons, her love of shopping, and her on-off relationship with quiet but secretly devoted Mr. Old Mutare, her Mr. Darcy equivalent.

I know I'm not the only one who flips eagerly to her column, with the red heart logo splashed in it, on Fridays: Other readers text their comments to the Manica Post regularly. Amid the suffocating state propaganda and the rumblings of political violence, "Diary of a 30-Something Lady" has been a breath of fresh air – a window into the everyday life of Zimbabwe's never-cowed middle classes.

I wanted to meet this woman. There was just one problem: She writes anonymously.

Last year, I noticed that a column on fashion and beauty that appears in the Manica Post was also snappily written. Now I wondered if it was by the same author. I pored over both columns several weeks running to see if there were any crossovers. There weren't.

But two months ago, the fashion columnist was interviewed separately in the Manica Post. She revealed she was setting up a small eatery. A clue, perhaps? I stapled the interview into my own bulging diary and asked around for new food outlets. No, the ladies-who-lunch told me, there are still three cafe-cum-restaurants in this eastern Zimbabwean city.

In February, the 30-Something Lady spoke of her plans to work on a project she'd dreamed of since childhood. The project was, she admitted, a cafe. Bingo!

Optimistically, I tucked into my car a secondhand book I thought the fashion columnist (and the 30-Something Lady) might like: "The Dress Doctor," by onetime Paramount Films chief stylist Edith Head. It lay on the passenger seat, plastic cover glinting reproachfully at me all those days I still couldn't locate her. Then I drove my child to his sports lesson, held once a week at a local church complex. Normally I drop him at the door but that day I had to pay his fee. I walked inside to find a small eatery, tastefully draped in blue. And there was a woman, a little – but only a little – younger than I. She was wearing a red jacket and the kind of high-heeled shoes only a fashion critic could carry off. I felt as if I'd bumped into a friend.

"You're not supposed to know that I write that column," she laughs. "But people are starting to guess."

She's delighted with the "Dress Doctor." "Can I keep it?" she asks. "I like to highlight things with a marker."

I nod yes, happy to be in the presence of a fellow reader. Books are still scarce in Zimbabwe: She's never read "Bridget Jones's Diary" though she has seen the film.

"So how much of what you write is true?" I ask.

"Ninety percent," she says firmly. "Ten percent isn't." She draws much of the material for her diary from five people she knows well. "But I don't write about them too closely."

I pop the million-dollar question: "Does Mr. Old Mutare exist?" According to recent diary entries, the 30-Something Lady has finally agreed to marry him. But there's a problem with lobola (bride-price) and she is having second thoughts.

"No, but he could," she says enigmatically.

If I'm disappointed that Zimbabwe's Mr. Darcy has turned out to be yet another imaginary hero, it's not for long. I look at this mixed-race woman who's given me, a white immigrant, such insight into modern Zimbabwean culture. "I love what you write," I tell her simply. Creative, brave, a dreamer, a reader, and a talented writer: She gives me hope for Zimbabwe's future.

http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/The-Home-Forum/2011/0614/Zimbabwe-s-Bridget-Jones

What is True Love?

Just been wondering on when can couples really fall in love? It seems couples never fall in love at one time as they claim 'love at first site'. Some may not agree with me on this but if truth be said there is no such thing particularly to love that comes after 25yrs preceding lots of times lost through trials. This can be supported by the simple fact why more married man never got their wives virgins after 20s as they lose it in the name of 'love' but later marries in true love.

True love is manufactured through horrid lessons of growing up. Sacrifices, the growth in mind to accept what's in your hand as the best ever! Yet through sacrifice as well dozens of couples live an institutionalized marriage~to do what's expected, what's good for children and the environment and perhaps what God and his prophets desires, not what a personal heart feels! Its a pit as this is largely caused by the scope of egoism, greedy and pride(the worst of them all is pride). This is largely followed by gross cheating and adultery- what's the difference between cheating & adultery anyway?


I would like to take a light view on this one. Cheating! This term is more favored by our dear wives "you cheating on me! He is cheating on me" they always cry, isn't there a better way of saying 'things'. It doesn't matter the ultimate outcome is almost the same. Men prefers the term 'whore' to an unfaithful partner.
Let's say people marries in a rush or later discovers lots of dislikes in a partner which would gravely affect the sex life, what would be the best remedy? Say for instance one partner likes his beer so much so that he/she would forget the centimeter away partner to a point of irritation. If talking the person out of this habit fails what would be the best remedy? Or the wife is into partying with friends to a no return point( just examples)
Behviour change can bring ugly detrimental effects to a marriage. Yes I understand as humans we are dynamic and forever changing, we should change it towards a positive acceptable norm to suit our partners too. If couples could realise this earlier before they start lying their way to hell, I believe lots of relationships could have been saved and happiness restored.

Let's not forget that we get into relationships all blindfolded! The revelations comes later. Some even indulge in sexual activities before falling in love. Others makes it while some always sheds tears there after. Be careful of what you need in an affair. If you need love then know that love is earned just like respect! (You only earn once you worked)

I still wonder on how often we lie to our partners. Always it starts as a small getaway to silly mischief(s) till it becomes a habit (much more enjoyable) and ultimately becoming a culture then its done! Rehabilitation to this maybe lifelong. The earlier one realises that they lie 90% and say the truth 10%, the earlier they should start working on it. Married or not married lies will eventually corrode a person to hell where the architecture of lies Lucifer dwells. I lie too and I'm no angel! God help.

If out of a sudden your partner just wake up one day and starts with the make up, perfume staff or anything they would haven't been doing then be sure that you will be in for a rude awakening! How you can help it I don't know. Lies are most complemented by a rude behaviour which is triggered by the spirit of defense. We all defend our actions, bad or good, that's the pride of being your ownself! Once this defensive attitude starts ruling, the 'honest' partner would panic and triggers the apologetic attitude! Here we go, a justification of idiotic behaviour. I believe an apology is an acception of guilty therefore once u start apologizing to almost anything even if you are right then you gone too! If you didn't do any wrong rather keep quiet than abusing the divine word 'sorry' otherwise you help cleanse a lying partner's conscience! Let him/her rot with inner guilty for they will soon or later meet their match on doomsday. Unfortunately life can be such rude hence try and work hard for a true love before you trapped in a hell house.

How can we survive? Does True Love Exist?

Farai Kushata was born and raised in Mutare, Bocha some 38 years back. Works in an Engineering environment somewhere outside Zim! Raising 3 lovely kids.